Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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