i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
