He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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