Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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