How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
