Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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