just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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