I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
