I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
