Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
