she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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