marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
