i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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