Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
