Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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