Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
