i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
