This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
