I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize