went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
