Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
