420 ftw
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
