You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
