one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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