You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
even my farts smell like vagina
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
