Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
