btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
