sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
vagina is talking i cant
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
