dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
