He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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