woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
