I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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