i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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