They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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