Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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