I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How's work?
Spinning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
