we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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