I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
