out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
