hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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