yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
