So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
