when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
