But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
