eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
