Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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