so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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