Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
