you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
