I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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