Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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