he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize