Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
