My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
