We won't sleep together?
so that wasnt chicken after all
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
