This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
