Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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