I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
