non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
