I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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