HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
