found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
