When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
