I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
