I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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