i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
