Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
