I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
