I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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