i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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